there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
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