I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Randomize
