She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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