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this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
