Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
