a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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