I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
