I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
