how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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