Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
