Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
