How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
