i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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