I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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