I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
