i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Randomize
