$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Randomize
