okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
