Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Randomize
