If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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