i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
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