why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
found the other keg... it's in the tree
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
You made out with two different species that night
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
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