ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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