1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
You're my little dorito
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
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