Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Randomize
