so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
