There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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