I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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