Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
