Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Randomize
