Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
