I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
