she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
