This dress was meant to end up on your floor
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Found your dick twin last night
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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