so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
