He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
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