Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize