woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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