i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
