So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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