just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
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