Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize