By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
How does it feel to date your dad?
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
