it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
