Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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