I puked a lego.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
