I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
