a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
