Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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