I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
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