she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
