I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
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