butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Randomize
