I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize