Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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