Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Randomize
