I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
