she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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