i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
