He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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