He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
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