when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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