his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Randomize
