hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize