matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
