I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
