Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
