you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Randomize
